Couple Says ‘Yes’ To Being Foster Parents

by Ronda Lickteig
R-T Editor
Josh Gottman wasn’t listening to his wife, Christy, so she went over his head to someone she knew he wouldn’t ignore – God.

For several months, the Gottmans had been discussing the idea of becoming foster parents and Christy was ready to get the process started. But Josh, the pastor of First Baptist Church, felt that between the couple’s ministry to the church and their four very active home-schooled children, maybe they already had enough on their plates. Christy decided to be patient and let God work in whatever way he chose.
“I was praying for his heart to soften toward the idea,” she recalled recently. “Then he heard a sermon.”
Josh said he heard a sermon by Francis Chan, who said people need to change their default answer when asked to do something.

“He said our default answer should be ‘yes.’ There should be a really good reason for saying no. Sometimes there is a good reason to say no, but it shouldn’t be the default answer. I came home and said ‘Do you still have all that paperwork and foster parent stuff?’ And she said, ‘Oh, yeah. I’ve still got it!’”
For the Gottman family, which includes daughters Nora and Lucy and sons Seth and Guy, becoming foster parents was about seeing a need and taking steps to meet it.
“We knew there was a need and we wanted to do something. We knew there were children who needed a family,” Christy explained, saying the couple had friends who were serving as foster parents, which opened their eyes to the need for stable, loving homes for children in situations where they could not be safe in their own homes.
After going through the required training, the couple had their first placement and if there were any illusions that foster parenting was going to be easy, they were quickly dispelled as they say they may have bit off a little more than they were ready for.
“We thought we could handle anything – I mean we’re already raising four kids,” Josh said. “But it really humbled us. We thought that if you love them enough, you can fix anything. We learned that’s not the case.”
The Gottmans approach foster parenting as a ministry – with the first ministry to the children who come into their home. But their ministry extends to the birth families as well.
“Our first ministry is to the kids, but our goal is to care for the family,” said Christy. “We let the family know that we aren’t here to adopt their kids. If reunification is possible, we work with the family. If it’s not possible, we’ll protect the child. Mainly, we need to be their advocate – to speak for those who can’t speak. It they can’t go back home, then we will be here until they find a family that will love them.”
As we are speaking in their home, there is an adorable little preschooler who wanders in and out of the room, asking questions and saying things that make us laugh. He appears to be a typical little boy and is as comfortable with them as their other children. However, he’s come from an abusive background and has struggled to feel safe – especially in the beginning of his placement with the Gottmans. Reunification with his birth family isn’t possible, but it looks like he’s going to find a “forever home” with another local couple who met him through the Gottmans. Since he can’t go back to his birth parents, this is a win-win-win situation for the child, the Gottmans and the couple who will become his parents.
The Gottmans never forget that God has blessed them with four children of their own – children who have made sacrifices and had their own eyes and hearts opened as foster children have come and gone. The couple acknowledges that it can be difficult for their kids and said that after each foster child leaves, they have a family discussion and decide if they still want to be a foster family – with the answer, so far, being yes. They do, however, always take a break before getting another child.
“I feel like it’s taught our kids that there are so many children who don’t have what they have,” explained Christy. “One day we sat down and were talking that they would have probably like, maybe 70 people who could take them before they would have to go to foster care if something happened with us. So, what I wanted them to see is, if a kid comes to us, they really have no one.”
“We are trying to teach our kids that life is about doing hard things,” Josh added. “It’s easy to take the easy way out. There are hard things in life and those things are messy. But when you do them, you’re really showing love. You’re showing love in action; sacrifice in action.”
“Christ in action,” Christy continued, saying that she looks at the families she works with and sees how easy it might be to find oneself in a similar situation. “I’ve really learned about empathy. Sometimes I look at these parents and families we work with and think that it’s only by the grace of God that I’m not in their position.”
Josh and Christy point out that while everyone may not be able to foster a child, there are many other ways to help. They note that their church has been a huge support system to them and other families by holding diaper drives, putting together a clothes closet, etc. They also have the support of counselors, court appointed special advocates, children’s division workers and foster parent trainers. The couple wants those who feel a stirring to bring children into their home to know they aren’t perfect parents – not to their own children and not to their foster children. They don’t have all the answers and they know they can’t make the pain of family separation go away. There’s nothing that makes them especially equipped to bring a child into their home, Christy said, except the one thing the children need the most.
“They just want love,” she said. “You just need to love them.”